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Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Should a woman deny her husband 'njyes'?

Today Maina and Mwalimu are back to their element. They were talking about a story in the Nairobi Star, a daily newspaper in Kenya. The story says that women use 'njyes' as a weapon against men. Mwalimu was of the opinion that there should be no reason why a woman should deny her husband 'njyes'. And they asked, is denying men 'njyes' justified?

My Human Opinion

There is no simple answer to this one. It's true, women, and sometimes men, use 'njyes' as a weapon (you should have realized by now what 'njyes' is). Whether it is justifiable should be decided on a case by case basis. But Mwalimu's opinion that there should be NO reason why a woman should deny her husband is stretching it a bit. Even the Bible gives instances where it is justifiable. See below.

A weapon suggests a war. Now, the men won't like the next sentence(s) but we don't care.

Men, you need to earn 'njyes' from your wives, and we mean each time. Not five years ago. What do you expect when you come home late and drunk, you forgot her birthday, you didn't listen to her in the morning, you have stopped making your wife smile and laugh, you have ever uttered the words 'What do you need flowers for?', you always sleep immediately after 'njyes', your 'njyes' is not more like 'njno', you had 'njyes' where you were not supposed to.....I could go on you know.

However, if there is no war at home and you do earn the right to 'njyes' and she still won't give, then we mourn with you. You are in a sad situation and may need professional help to get to the root case. 

My Biblical Opinion

The Bible gives certain principles of marriage that touch on today's topic. Let go to 1 Corinthians 7: 1-6
 1 Now concerning the things of which you wrote to me:
It is good for a man not to touch a woman.
2 Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband.
3 Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband.
4 The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does.
5 Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
6 But I say this as a concession, not as a commandment.
According to this passage, you can deprive each other with mutual consent, for a time, and for a worthy cause; like fasting and praying. It also suggest that should the couple deprive each other, the chances are high that the deprived partner will seek reprieve elsewhere, "because of your lack of self-control"

Speaking of self-control, God designed marriage as an instrument to make us more like Christ; unconditional love, respect, honour, unity, sacrifice and self-denial, servant-hood, giving and receiving forgiveness, patience and self-control. As a result, you will discover true happiness.

We don't know what else to tell you. But God does. So pray without ceasing, friends. See you tomorrow

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