Why do men lie during courtship?

Today Maina Kageni and Mwalimu Kingangi were talking about the lies men tell during courtship. Mwalimu was of the opinion that lying is part of the courtship game used by men to demonstrate their potential as a mate and as such not be called lying. Let's discuss.

For you baby, I will—<jaza pengo>

My Human Opinion

Why lie, we all lie. Everyone lies!

Whereas it's generally accepted that women are better liars than men, women usually lie to make others feel good or not to hurt another's feelings (e.g. 'I have to go' or 'I have to take 'I'm not feeling a connection' or  'Yeah, that colour suits you'), whereas men usually lie to make themselves look good (e.g. 'It's true, I earn in six-figures' or 'I drive a—<put your favourite car here> or 'I built it myself' ) much like a peacock puffs up his chest and displays his plumage.

For more reasons why men lie to women read this article.

Courtship is a delicate balancing game. While dating you have 3 choices. To tell the truth, to lie, or to keep quiet. Both the man and the woman want to put their best foot (or other necessary body part) forward. Therefore, the truth is easily bent. Lying occurs too frequently in the dating game. Often because the truth will block the liar from getting what he, or she, wants.

There is, however, one 'lie' perpetuated by men that is so common place that it's not even considered a lie. A man may 'lie' by coming on strong. He calls a lot, he constantly sends (or sambazas) gifts, he pours out the heart-melting poetry and lays all the possible bait. But once the woman is hooked, the attention fades away. He was giving to get.

As one listener summarized this, 'A man lies to get njyes quickly but tells the truth to the woman he intends to share his life with'. If you are looking for a long-time relationship, every lie will finally see the light. So is Mwalimu Kingangi right? He probably is, but be warned.

Do women want to be lied to?  Better a lie that makes you smile than a truth that makes you cry? We shall leave you to answer those questions yourself.

Remember friends that lying hurts in the long run.  Trust is one important aspect of any relationship. It takes years to build but it only takes seconds to destroy.

I shall finish my opinion with a handy tip.

If you believe someone is lying, change the subject quickly and watch their reactions. A liar will follow along willingly and become more relaxed. The guilty wants the subject changed but an innocent person may be confused by the sudden change and will want to go back to the previous subject.

Anyway, let's see what the Bible says about lying.

My Biblical Opinion

You know where we are going to start— the Proverbs. The truth is, lying is a serious offense against God.

Proverbs 6:16-19
 ¹⁶ There are six things the LORD hates,
       seven that are detestable to him:
 ¹⁷ haughty eyes,
       a lying tongue,
       hands that shed innocent blood,
 ¹⁸ a heart that devises wicked schemes,
       feet that are quick to rush into evil,
 ¹⁹ a false witness who pours out lies
       and a man who stirs up dissension among brothers.

God detests liars. So, where did lying come from? The Devil of course. Consider what Jesus said in:

John 8:43-47
⁴³Why is my language not clear to you? Because you are unable to hear what I say. ⁴⁴You belong to your father, the devil, and you want to carry out your father's desire. He was a murderer from the beginning, not holding to the truth, for there is no truth in him. When he lies, he speaks his native language, for he is a liar and the father of lies. ⁴⁵Yet because I tell the truth, you do not believe me! ⁴⁶Can any of you prove me guilty of sin? If I am telling the truth, why don't you believe me? ⁴⁷He who belongs to God hears what God says. The reason you do not hear is that you do not belong to God."

There are grave consequences of lying, not just to you, the liar, but also to those closest to you. Consider this story of Achan in the times of Joshua. Much like the CSI programs, he only confessed when the evidence was irrefutable.

Finally, let's speak the truth in love, in all situations.

Ephesians 4: 14-16 
¹⁴Then we will no longer be infants, tossed back and forth by the waves, and blown here and there by every wind of teaching and by the cunning and craftiness of men in their deceitful scheming. ¹⁵Instead, speaking the truth in love, we will in all things grow up into him who is the Head, that is, Christ. ¹⁶From him the whole body, joined and held together by every supporting ligament, grows and builds itself up in love, as each part does its work.

We don't know why we lie, sometimes we do. But God knows. And He's extremely grieved when we do.

Let's have a lie-free Monday, won't we? See you tomorrow.