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Tuesday, November 2, 2010

Should a woman look for a soul-mate outside her tribe?

Yesterday, Maina wa Kageni and Mwalimu Joseph Kingangi were talking about women who look outside their community when looking for a soul-mate. So our hosts were asking why. Mwalimu was of the opinion that these women didn't know what they were missing and would definitely come back.

My Human Opinion

Looking for a 'soul-mate' from a tribal perspective only is being shortsighted to say the least. Okay, a good number of our parents and grandparents married within the tribe, but this is because they grew up around the same 'tribes-people'.

Now, for someone born and/or raised in a metropolis like Nairobi or Mombasa to insist on looking for the same tribes-person only to marry is shortsighted.

It is said that the relationships that last longest are those were the partners are very similar i.e. similar backgrounds, similar looks (a 10 with a 10 or 9 and not a 10 with a 5 etc), similar education, similar belief system (more of that below), similar outlook to life, similar life-situations (e.g. both are HIV positive etc) and so on. But we all know that life is a rocky road. Similarities change.

Anyway, note that I use the word similar loosely.

Other qualities you should look for in a partner have been mention here and here.

Therefore, there is nothing with marrying within or without your tribe. But don't let that be your only criteria. That would be sad.

My Biblical Opinion

God, in the Old Testament, instructed the Israelites not to marry from the neighbouring communities. However, this was not because of racial or tribal reasons but rather because the neighbouring communities worshiped idols and would as such lead the Israelites away.
Deut 7:1-4
1 When the LORD your God brings you into the land you are entering to possess and drives out before you many nations—the Hittites, Girgashites, Amorites, Canaanites, Perizzites, Hivites and Jebusites, seven nations larger and stronger than you— 2 and when the LORD your God has delivered them over to you and you have defeated them, then you must destroy them totally. Make no treaty with them, and show them no mercy. 3 Do not intermarry with them. Do not give your daughters to their sons or take their daughters for your sons, 4 for they will turn your children away from following me to serve other gods, and the LORD’s anger will burn against you and will quickly destroy you.
Remember that the Israelites had just come out of slavery and were at a very weak place 'emotionally'. Even one of these —ites could have led the Israelites astray.

God does not show partiality or favouritism. Neither should we.
Deut 10:17 For the LORD your God is God of gods and Lord of lords, the great God, mighty and awesome, who shows no partiality and accepts no bribes.
However, God does instruct us not to be unequally yoked. i.e. a believer to a non-believer. And that should be the starting point when you are looking for a 'soul-mate'.
2 Corinthians 6:14-16a
14 Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? 15 What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever? 16 What agreement is there between the temple of God and idols? For we are the temple of the living God.
Even the word 'soul-mate' suggests that the soul should be similar or near similar. Mate means match. So jijazie what soul-mate means.

All God's favour and wisdom as you search for your soul-mate if you haven't already.

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