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Friday, November 5, 2010

Should mothers care who marries their daughters?

Yesterday Maina and Mwalimu were talking about mothers who have vested interest in the person their daughter choose to marry. Some mothers only look for ambitious men with future prospects to marry their daughters. Mwalimu was of the opinion that potential suitors should not be judged, the same way we shouldn't judge a book by its cover

My Human Opinion

Basically, our hosts were asking whether mothers should care who their daughters choose to marry? And the simple answer is yes.

Off course, a mother will vet, either explicitly or implicitly, the men courting her daughter(s). It's mother nature. And whereas it's true some may have selfish reasons, most of the time they are looking out for their daughters. They don't want their daughters to end up with a wife-basher, or a hopeless drunk, or a poor man with no signs of progress in the future (I repeat, 'with no signs of progress in the future'), or an overtly unfaithful man. Would you?

Therefore, if the man has proven worthy (and he has to prove himself worthy) then there should be no reason for a mother to deny her daughter her blessings and go-ahead.

It's true, we shouldn't judge a book by its cover, but by it's 'insides'. The man should show the 'insides' so as not to be judged wrongly.

My Biblical Opinion

Lets consider Naomi and Ruth. Ruth, the Moabite, was Naomi's daughter-in-law. She (Ruth) had lost her husband. However, she decided to follow her mother-in-law instead of going back to her homeland. On reaching Naomi's home, she decided to go 'exploring'-with her mother's blessings off course.
 Ruth 2:2
And Ruth the Moabite said to Naomi, “Let me go to the fields and pick up the leftover grain behind anyone in whose eyes I find favor.”
   Naomi said to her, “Go ahead, my daughter.”
As Ruth went on 'exploring' she stumbled upon a field belonging to a dude called Boaz, who happened to be Naomi's relative. Boaz allowed Ruth to work in his field and even gave her special treatment like offering her security from the 'boys' in the field. Ruth returned home and told Naomi about her 'explorations'

 Ruth 2:17-22
17 So Ruth gleaned in the field until evening. Then she threshed the barley she had gathered, and it amounted to about an ephah. 18 She carried it back to town, and her mother-in-law saw how much she had gathered. Ruth also brought out and gave her what she had left over after she had eaten enough.
 19 Her mother-in-law asked her, “Where did you glean today? Where did you work? Blessed be the man who took notice of you!”
   Then Ruth told her mother-in-law about the one at whose place she had been working. “The name of the man I worked with today is Boaz,” she said.
 20 “The LORD bless him!” Naomi said to her daughter-in-law. “He has not stopped showing his kindness to the living and the dead.” She added, “That man is our close relative; he is one of our guardian-redeemers.***
 21 Then Ruth the Moabite said, “He even said to me, ‘Stay with my workers until they finish harvesting all my grain.’”
 22 Naomi said to Ruth her daughter-in-law, “It will be good for you, my daughter, to go with the women who work for him, because in someone else’s field you might be harmed.

From the above story we can see clearly that Naomi had an interest in who Ruth was hanging out with. Was the man of good character? (v.20) Was the man eligible to marry Ruth? (v.20) Was it safe for Ruth to hang out with this man and his crew? (v.22)

*** Guardian redeemer is a legal term for one who has the obligation to redeem a relative in serious difficulty (see Lev. 25:25-55)

So, it's not a bad thing for mothers to be concerned about who their daughters will marry.

Besides, we are commanded to obey our parents, in the Lord.
Ephesians 6:1-3
1 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise— 3so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”
So if the advice they give you is Biblically sound then you best heed it. True story.

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